


The Last Supper: Of Double Winking and Thigh High Converse

by thepearlysheenofscrotum



Category: Haikyuu!!, Naruto, Religion & Lore - Ambiguous Fandom, Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Crack, Economics, Jesus looking sexy, M/M, Male on Male, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, UNFORTUNATLY, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Why Did I Write This?, don't read if you're christian, harvard pls take us, im sory, no beta we die like men, or do, pls read, see you in purgatory, sex on the ceiling, sword art online op, terrible choices were mad, thejanitor is my fav, u know u want us, we don't care, we were actually sober while writing, we're going to hell, witness our terrible choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26790688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepearlysheenofscrotum/pseuds/thepearlysheenofscrotum
Summary: we have sinned, fatherjesus/judas sex on the ceiling, crack
Relationships: Jesus Christ/Judas Iscariot
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	The Last Supper: Of Double Winking and Thigh High Converse

**Author's Note:**

> PLS READ I AM SORRY iN ADVANCE, BE WARNED, SUBScrIBE

“Are you going to the party tonight?”  
Judas looked up from his econ homework. Oh Holy Father, he did not understand the workings of economic nationalism. “What party?”  
Peter rolled his eyes. “Did you not get the invite? I told everyone yesterday at lunch. It’s at Jesus’ place.”  
Judas sighed dreamily. Jesus was this hunk of an architectural design student with a flowing chestnut mane and striking brown eyes. But the most admirable and sexy thing about the student was his unwavering moral compass. He had told Judas multiple times (although they had only met once in the bathroom drunk as fuck) that he would die for everyone’s sins. He was excited to see his rippling pecs in person again but he wasn’t sure if he could control himself this time.  
“Yeah I suppose,” he said casually, trying to mask his animalistic hunger.  
“Cool.” Peter turned to leave the trashy dorm room.  
“Wait!” Judas lurched backwards in his stained gaming chair. The G-Fuel (sponsored) tumbled to the ground. “What do I wear??”  
Peter smirked. “Not much, if you want to impress Jesu again.” The door clicked shut without another word.  
Judas put his head in his hands and groaned. Was he really that obvious? Oh, he was in deep.  
(hehe maybe soon)  
~~~  
Judas smoothed down his shirt, looking in the mirror. He was dressed modestly. Below a sparkly red feather boa, he wore a navy blue shirt with neon squares (it reminded him of Jesus’ newest architectural endeavor). Beneath, he was wearing knee-length khakis with the rainbow plaid knee-length converse. Being conservative about skin showing was sexy, as it left the imagination room to wander (up :p).  
Time to impress some boys.  
“Are you ready to go?” Peter peaked his head in through the doorway. His jaw dropped. “You look incredible,” he exclaimed with genuinity. He opened the door all the way to reveal a plain trench coat.  
“What could possibly be under that hideous thing?” Judas groaned.  
Peter whipped open the front of his sad trench coat to reveal a much more exciting, neon pink gymnasts’ leotard with three ties of different stripper-Santa patterns on them.  
“THAT’S DOPE BRUH!”  
“I KNOW!”  
“Let’s go then!” Peter spun his keys around his finger, the Lin Manuel Miranda charms jangling and ran towards the open window, doing a flip and landing in the bush next to his car. While Judas preferred to take the stairs, Peter had done chess in 3rd grade making him more apt in the practice of martial arts.  
On the drive across the school football field to Jesus’ luxurious shack in the janitor’s basement, Peter relentlessly blasted Glee covers. Judas complained loudly the entire way, as he preferred to listen to bardcore-death metal covers of the Sword Art Online OP1. He loved Chinese cartoons.  
The car haphazardly skidded off a small cliff and landed in a perfect parallel-parking position on the janitor’s roof, where a fiddler was playing. “Nice tunes, you got any bad anime music?” Before waiting for a reply, Judas finger-gunned the musician and fell through the newly-created hole in the roof. He silently cursed his years of Olympic gymnastics as he landed on his rump. It made it so that he could never land on his feet. Peter did not share this dilemma, who immediately twisted into pirouette. He was trained in chess, afterall.  
The party was already groovin’ as the two dilfs walked.  
“Nice outfits boys!” one of the frat boys said, winking across the room. His name was Bartholomew, but the genius brain of Jesus came up with the brilliant nickname of BART, or Bay Area Rapid Transport for short. He was currently playing beer pong, which involved a strange combination of goldfish (live ones) and people’s foreheads.  
“Yeah, it took some convincing to get Judas to come, right?” Peter elbowed the boy next to him and winked glamorously. But Judas only had eyes for the beautiful creature across the very, very hot room.  
Jesus was already stripped down to lush green laurels that did little to cover literally anything. Judas was beginning to feel self-conscious in his fashionable but decidedly-conservative knee-high converse.  
Jesus immediately slithered towards the new arrivals in a manner not unlike Boa Linnaeus, tripping no less but all of the party on the way.  
“Do you wanna take this upstairs,” he breathed heavily into Judas’ ear, sending delicious spots of spittle onto his cheeks. Judas conspicuously opened his mouth to catch them on his tongue (like Christmas!!). Jesus leaned back and very charmingly winked with both eyes. “I know a place where we’ll be more ~alone~.”  
Judas lost the ability to feel his tongue, although his testicles became considerably more sensitive. They pulsed in his tight gymnast outfit. He was reconsidering his choice in wearing them, as they did little to hide his interested member.  
They made their way up the rickety stairs littered with dead bodies and fish from the last time Moses had a panic attack, only walking into the wall a few times because Jesus was still sustaining his double wink. The door they reached was rickety and decorated with a picture of Jesus standing on a strange wooden frame in the shape of a cross. Judas didn’t understand what it meant, but he hoped it had some kinky implications.  
The door opened with a creak, revealing a room decorated like it came directly from the traveling circus. The bed was in the shape of a lion and the statement piece of the room was most definitely the large, rainbow tent hanging from the roof. In the corner the janitor sat reading a book titled My Immortal, sprawled out à la Rose from the Titanic.  
“Are two getting your sexy times on?” the Janitor asked, doing a triple wink. When they nodded he went back to his book, “well don’t let me disturb you here, after all I did say that you could use my room any time.” Jesus didn’t wait a second more before he ripped off his laurel and pinned Judas to the roof.  
Judas found his enthusiasm a huge turn on. He immediately began to shimmy out of his khakis, which prompt fell on the janitor’s face, who--- who moaned? Strange. Judas reached down to unlace his converse, but Jesus stopped him with a gentle, calloused hand.  
“I wanna make love to you in those.”  
Judas smiled, so it WAS the perfect outfit. Jesus wasted no time tearing a hole into the back of Judas’ khakis and getting to work. They were still floating on the roof. It was like nothing Judas had felt before and everything that he had ever wanted. He moaned and let himself be fully taken over by Jesus. The other man was very good at working with wood it seemed, in more ways than one.  
As Judas began to prepare himself for the pleasure that was going to come (the laurels had left very little to imagination, and Jesus’ 10 Commandments also applied in inches). He mainly felt pain, but it was all worth it to see the pearly sheen of Jesus’ scrotum.  
With a mighty roar that startled even the lounging janitor (who was no longer wearing pants), Jesus entered. He saw stars, and God too. Judas moaned loudly almost loud enough to be heard from Israel. It was coming. Very very very very very very very very soon. And there it was  
With one last aborted thrust, Jesus came with a shout. “AND GOD SAID LET THERE BE LIGHT.” There was a resounding snap from Judas’ anus. Mildly concerned, Judas looked down and saw a neon light emanating from Jesus’ member.  
Oh, my God, he thought, Jesus’ dick is a glow stick.  
Jesus looked forlornly at his broken, softening penis. “You have betrayed me, tonight.” At first Judas was worried that the hunk of a man was talking about him, but it soon became clear that he was talking about his now limp member.  
“That was-” Judas paused, gasping for air, “- just amazing.”  
“I know, I’m pretty good,” Jesus said smugly. He was coming off of his post-coital glow and feeling slightly disgusted by Judas’ converse. They did not seem so fantastic once he had gotten ass. “Welp, I’m out.” Jesus jumped down from the ceiling, landing on the janitor who let out an indiguet squawk. Judas remained on the ceiling, savoring the last moments of what just happened. He hoped that this would occur again and would betray anyone to get into Jesus’ laurels one more time.

**Author's Note:**

> goodbye, thank you, c u in hell bitch


End file.
